Made of hair and bones and little teeth. [things i cannot speak]

its just that feeling...
a rock bottom emptiness and an awkward stillness in the air.
time allows it to manifest itself into hatred and a lack of feel.
a point when emotion is so dry
and the tv screen just seems so out of focus
and yet there you stand in aww looking blankly into the screen for hours
looking for something like answers hidden in the skipping of channels
only to find true loneliness
while depression creeps through the cracks in the floor boards of your filling apart apartment
and shyly approaches you like a lion set for the kill
you jump to your feet and throw the remote at the wall
then begin endless laps around the kitchen
looking again for hope, and there it is.
sitting stunningly in the back of a cabinet, a bottle of whiskey
you grab it by the neck, unscrew the top, stand up straight for the first time in days and lean your head straight back.
the burn of the alcohol against your throat now feels like the most passionate kiss
minutes later your sitting again in front of that screen
pupils large and black reflecting the images flying before them
your mind begins to wander of where you put your wallet
and then you think about your phone
its quiet and safe in your pocket.
you take it out, and go through your contacts
they seem so lifeless and you can't think of a thing to say to anyone.
you frown to yourself and put it back down, this time on the coffee table
so you can see it just under the view of the tv screen, just in case.
then you think of your other friend, the bottle on the couch next to you
you could use a few more kisses from that bottle
you get up again, and stumble over to the computer screen this time.
maybe theres someone out there you think to yourself.
maybe theres really something out there.
you type a few meaningless words to people who haven't seen you in months
and its over. theres nothing out there, not for you.
not tonight.
you fall into your bed hard, then melt into the mattress
  you tired to get a little rest, your eyes are red and wet
and you lie there arms empty waiting for sleep.
but not tonight, not for you.
you roll off the bed and rip the alarm clock from its plug
you walk into the bathroom and flip on the light
you look your reflection in the eye and then notice that it seems you haven't shaved in days.
how long have i been in this place, how long have i been in this state?
you turn on the water and fill up the tub
steam pours out from the tap and raise to the ceiling
you begin to shave your face..
and your head, eyebrows, and chest
you sit in the tub with your pants still on
small lines of blood flowing into the water
maybe you just weren't so careful with that razor
everything fades.
you awake in a tub of freezing water startled
you drain the water, wrap a towel around your body
and fall asleep on then hallway floor.
awake again sun screaming through drawn blinds
and finally you want to talk. to anyone, you want connection
and to be understood. finally you have the courage to ask.
and you'll find that you aren't alone
not in the least, people do care about you.
they care about you a lot.
you'll know then in that moment what it is to be human
what it is to have flaws and what it is to feel
to feel pain, and to feel sick to your stomach
to feel that sharp pain in the front of your head
every emotion you just felt, live in you and die
you aren't that person anymore.
you are new again, your are flawed still, but new.
and you will never be that person again.
everyone second you will live and die with everything you feel
each moment is so completely different
the only constant in life is change.

i feel so amazing right now.
yea there are still live wires blanketing my life... yea... but so what.
tonight... is bliss and perfection.
bowl to the lips... brings a smile to my face... mellow to my mind...
and i kno i'm gunna be okay. okay. okay.
the fights won't completely stop, and things won't go back the way they came.
but we will never stop feeling or breathing.
to change the world you must change yourself.
because the world is only what you perceive it to be.
love the past always, but theres a reason why its past
don't fight the future, embrace it.
optimism's is a belief... so believe it.

come home....
call me up.
come over, and wrap your arms around me.
its the only thing i want to feel.

being wild destroys permanence.
and without permanence you've destroyed the safety of knowing who you are.
and you'll find yourself sitting alone in a room with all the other people who don't have faces.
day after day after day...

the widow in the lighthouse
collects the shells from the shore
and weaves them intp her hair
and at night she cuts her wrists with credit cards
and bleed into the empty boxes
yet the ocean can't take her home
for she is beautiful and only 16.

one more time is all it took
the moon had finally let go
falling down upon us.
three days to live the rest if your life.
could you live it right?
could you tell her you love her?

painted faces under the rain
hand in hand
and maybe tomorrow the tree will stand taller
and maybe tomorrow the roots will repair
as we climb higher into the air
looking down is not an option
we can never go back
hand in hand
at the top of the world
carve the names in the bark.

one line on the mirror
i can see the reflection of who we used to be
hidden behind a sprinkle of yellow powder
we used to be in love
in love with eachother
in love with the feeling of love
we feel apart to fill the void
to try to make sure there'd be something left
but theres nothing left
selfishly consumed.
call it a love line
because it the only thing we love
and nothing else.

a man walks the line
never crossing on either side
the world around him is running dry
and the rainbows are drain into a grey
under a thick fog and shade
the line is still a shadow, there but faint
but if he shall grow weiry and fall
the sun and moon shall collide
and everyone will kno it was love
and you choose a side.

shins kicked and arms twisted
they're all you have left to break.
bloodspattered from broken bottles
and white knuckle fists.
we finally sat down and took a breath
the room around us melted and grew dark
and finally we felt nothing.
there was nothing left to feel.